Pregnancy is a beautiful and magical thing and a very special time in a woman’s life. So why did I let this weight gain and physical change affect me so? Why can I look at other pregnant women with adoring eyes, admiring their beautiful round bodies and bellies whilst looking at myself in the mirror wondering where I had gone wrong? Why does it feel like I am the only person on the verge of chafe between my legs?
I started my journey fit, healthy, athletic and rather petite and despite my best intentions, I went from 53kg to a whopping 75+kg by the end of my pregnancy.
I can honestly say that I have never felt heavier and more out of shape than I did during those last 4-5 months and maybe it was a combination of the increasing weight and inability to continue exercising to the same level and intensity as I did previously. Everything seemed to be changing. I was giving up the things that I loved; running, multiple legs of Jacobs ladder, intense boxing sessions and a regimented weights program and as a result, my body was getting softer and rounder and more and more out of shape. I found the internal conflict between ‘the joy of my growing bump and baby’ and the disappointment of my ever increasing bum, thighs and even upper body to be a constant conflict in my mind. My midwife keeps telling me how amazing I look and that the weight that I have gained is a beautiful thing, (she says that I was on the ‘too skinny’ side anyway) and it’s what my body needed to do for me and for my baby – it will help me produce a healthy baby, assist my body to carry all this extra weight over the next few months and to help me to produce great quality milk in abundance… its all part of the most amazing plan.
Why then do I feel from time to time that I have failed due to my inability to stay slim and why was that so important?
These feelings come and go and sometimes I look at my growing belly and fall so in love with its round shape, glowing skin and the thought of the beautiful babe inside that I couldn’t care less about anything else.
Today I look back at some of the pictures and wonder what was going on in my head? Was it just the hormones? Is it normal to feel this way?
I’m 40 weeks today and expecting our babe to join us at any moment and I wonder if these strange emotions and attachments to the ‘ideal body’ will follow me into the future making me feel as though I need to ‘snap back’ into shape as quickly and smoothly as Miranda Kerr? Do other women out there feel the same way? Is the joy of pregnancy lost as a result of these ridiculous pressures we put on ourselves?